Skip to content
Free Shipping On Orders Over $75!
Free Shipping On Orders Over $75


How to Not Raise Asshole Kids

How to Not Raise Asshole Kids

There are way too many assholes running around 

Stop the insanity. I wasn't around in the 1950s, but my grandma said 'kids just didn't act like this' about a zillion times when we used to hang out in her parlor full of interesting glass objects.
How many times do you walk through a grocery store, school, mall, or even to a friends house and walk away thinking 'Thank God that is not my child.' Probably more times than you realize, but it's not their fault. It's the collective generation of parents paving the perfect path for their sweet little angels and not realizing that they are creating total entitled assholes.
Before you jump to conclusions and assume it’s your tired toddler that melts down on the floor of Target, that’s not it.  
Hell, I melt on the floor at Target when I’m tired too. It’s just too much Joanna Gaines.
We’re talking about the kid that has meltdowns every time they go into Target because you’re not buying them all 6 toys they are eyeballing. Or the kid that walks into your house and sits on your couch staring at their phone instead of saying hello. Or the kid that never says thank you. Or the kid that acts entitled af.  
It's a cringe-worthy topic and is like nails on a chalkboard to watch. My kids are assholes sometimes, they all are!  
Do you remember Veruca Salt (not the band) from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? She was hard to watch. A total example of a spoiled brat, otherwise known as, an asshole.



While everybody needs guides and checklists these days, here is your friendly guide to not raising assholes.
How to not raise assholes:
1. Don't be an asshole yourself, your kids are watching.
2. Tell your husband not to be an asshole either, yeah they're watching him too.
3. Create some f*cking house rules. And stick to them. Don't just give up because it's hard, or inconvenient at the time. They'll learn from your behavior and do it all over again. This one is really f*cking hard by the way.
4. Teach them some mother loving respect. "Respect your elders", they used to say, except respect everybody. A disrespectful kid is an instant asshole to the people around them.  
5. Teach your kid to say hello. It's a real word. If you send Johnny on a playdate and Sam and his mom pick up Johnny, Johnny better say hello to Sam's mom and dad. Or he's an asshole. Hello is common courtesy.
6. They need manners. Real ones, not shrugs, or half-assed nods. Words. Please and thank you are the highly effective ones here.  
7. The world doesn't revolve around them. Sometimes kids get it twisted but other times parents lead them to believe they are the more important than everybody else. Of course, they're special kids, but teaching them the sun rises and sets on their ass is not a good long term play. Asshole.
8. Responsibility and accountability. That shit doesn't just happen as a grownup. Fold some laundry, help around the house, give them responsibility and hold them to it. Will they be a good wife or hubby if they don't learn these things? Be f*cking responsible.
9. "Mean Girls" are never in style. Otherwise known as a 'bully, it's a learned behavior. It could be from movies, the family at home, friends, or people at school. Bullies are total assholes and will keep that behavior throughout life.
10. Teach them to be grateful. Not just for toys, Disneyland, treats, or new clothes. Grateful for everything. Breathing, a f*cking small piece of bread, family, friends, a bed, a toothbrush, wearing shoes, sunshine, being alive. Grateful.  It'll last with them throughout life.
Raising kids is really f*cking hard. It's hard to set rules and stick to them because life is just tough sometimes. Set the guidelines for your family and talk about them, communicate to your child what's acceptable and what's not. They need to hear it. They need to understand it and know when they're out of bounds.  
Be a person you want your kid to emulate. This doesn't mean perfect, just be aware. Kids are incredible little humans with so much love, curiosity, hope, and potential. It's up to us to steer them in the right direction. Don't raise assholes.

Read Next: 
Previous article Easy Parenting 'Mistakes' to Avoid When Raising Children
Next article Mom Diaries: How We're Surviving the Strong Willed Stage


Colleen - August 15, 2019

I’m sorry, but parents of kids on the spectrum don’t own the term “meltdown” and I highly doubt that the author of this article meant to include kids who are struggling in this way. I often see kids, peers of my own children, who have temper tantrums after being told no regarding a totally innocuous event – no, you can’t have a lollipop, no, you need to wait for your brother to have a turn. No, it is unacceptable for you to speak to mommy and daddy like that. Mine lapse into those, all kids do. These are teaching moments to show with our own wisdom how to behave.

Trevor - August 15, 2019

These responses are nuts. The term “meltdown” is absolutley NOT exclusive to children with autism. Its not even exclusive to children. Never has been, never will be. It is a term used for a person having a total fit and is inconsolable. It applies to any person, on or off the spectrum. No need to get offended or irritated, its just a fact. People must trying to get triggered these days, lets try to make THAT the thing you don’t teach your children: Recreational outrage.

Lynette - August 15, 2019

Jeez-o Pete’s. For grins I tried posting the definition I found for meltdown, as a snapshot, but I can’t do that here. What I will say is that nowhere in the definition of meltdown is there any indication it may solely describe an autistic event. As a matter of fact autism does not show up in the definition by Merriam-Webster at all.
Perhaps it’s more important to think about an entire sentence instead of extrapolating one word and throwing the meaning off entirely? That is, every word in a sentence is important for the meaning of the sentence; events like this are what’s creating the entitled assholes, arguing over word usage because that word “triggers” a feeling.

Me - August 14, 2019

Would have LOVED to share this if it didn’t have so much profanity.

Teresa - August 14, 2019

As a grandma , I would have loved to have shared this. Kind of defeats the purpose when there is so much profanity in the article

Kimberly - August 14, 2019

I love how real this article is. Sometimes we, as parents, need those no filter moments, to understand that this isn’t a dress rehearsal. We only get one shot at raising our children. Yes, we aren’t perfect. Yes, we make mistakes. But we need to do the hard work of setting the expectations of these guidelines and following through.

I never took this article to the extent of including autistic children as AHs, (wherever they are on the spectrum) who have their own unique challenges and triggers with behavior. Those parents are rock stars and have an even harder job to instill these suggestions.

No matter what parents are dealing with, it does take a village to raise them. It starts with us. Let’s be the best we can be. Let’s support each other and appreciate sobering, colorful articles such as this one, and glean something from it.

Franklin - August 14, 2019

Hey, sure the word meltdown refers someone with autism sometimes experiences, but its also slang for a kid having a mega tantrum. If author chooses to use slang then so be it. No need to get snippy for using slang to help understand why you wouldn’t want an asshole kid. lol

Carolyn Dugan - August 13, 2019

My daughter has autism. Most times she looks and acts like every other 7 year old. Except when she’s having a meltdown which can be triggered by a variety of things. Your article is really irritating because it does not take into account that not all disabilities are visible nor does every kid who has a meltdown mean that his/her parents aren’t “good” parents that raised a brat.

Maggie - August 11, 2019

If you are going to write articles about how and why children behave in certain ways, do not refer to a tantrum as “melting down”. A melt down is something that those on the autism spectrum experience. A melt down is
NOT indicitive of either good or bad parenting. When a child is acting out, try being less inclined to jump to conclusions about the child and the parents.

Maggie - August 11, 2019

If you are going to write articles about how and why children behave in certain ways, do not refer to a tantrum as “melting down”. A melt down is something that those on the autism spectrum experience. A melt down is
NOT indicitive of either good or bad parenting. When a child is acting out, try being less inclined to jump to conclusions about the child and the parents.

Leave a comment

* Required fields