As a Mother, I Don't Believe in Balance
Ladies, mamas, incredible women leading a household of small people, hear this:
Yesterday I had an epiphany. A real one. It goes like this: balance is complete bullshit. We hear all the time "You need to balance ____, _____, _____, and ______." (Fill in your own blanks) But HOW?? There is no formula for sanity, raising the perfect tribe, running your business, or anything else. You know why?
I'll take 'CAUSE THERE IS NONE for 500!
If we're kicking ass in one area, other areas are lacking. It's not good, it's not bad, it just IS.
Did that register? Let's dig a bit...
Say you're a mom of 2, you've got a FT job, both kids in activities, an awesome husband who you love dearly, and you're trying to work on your bod goals too.
A girl can dream. How does that all even work? We put so much stress on ourselves trying to be perfect that we feel like we're walking around suffocating. Did we mention Pinterest birthday parties or perfect potty training?
I heard a podcast once from a mompreneur I admire, Amy Porterfield. She was discussing the idea of balance and at the time I wasn't convinced. She mentioned a woman (forgot her name at the moment) who is the writer for Grey's Anatomy and another big-time TV show. She's a single mom of a few kids and is massively successful in her career. Once, when giving a graduation speech at a college, she talked about success. She said if you have success in one area of your life, almost always it comes at the expense of other areas.
NOW I CAN RELATE.
In her case, she rocks at writing but feels like she's missing out on family things and often neglecting her kids. Even if they're happy and doing incredibly well that damn mom-guilt kicks in. WTF is mom guilt anyway? It almost makes those big gains feel not so big anymore...like we're being selfish, but we're not.
Life has so much in store for you, for everyone. Nowadays when those 'selfish' thoughts creep in, I high kick them right in the throat and turn my back on them. Selfish, to me, is letting go of my dreams and not showing my kids what's possible.
It's skipping that girl time with friends, because even that small-time away recharges us beyond measure and, in turn, allows me to be a better mama! It's not spending time alone with your spouse because your kids 'need you'.
If your mind is wrapped around the fact that your life is now owned by others, I get it... but stop. Your intentions are fabulous, and if things are slightly imbalanced for a bit, so be it.
Here's what I conclude. If you want to be a business owner, a hula dancer, a librarian, a pilot, whatever, DO IT. Guilt-Free. By you striving for goals and getting out into the world to shine your light your kids are learning far more than you realize.
They don't always need your hand to hold. Putting dinner on the table late (or never) isn't going to put anybody in a coffin, and they won't even develop a complex if you skip their bath tonight. They'll get lice at preschool anyways 😉
Praise yourself for all you are doing, you strong and beautiful woman. Because after all, balance is an illusion, a bullshit game, and the priorities that make the most sense at the time will be just fine.
Stop stressing mama, you're doing an incredible job...now go SHINE, guilt-free ;)