I remember it like it was yesterday. Seeing the plus sign on the pregnancy stick for the second time.
I ran over to show my husband, who already intuitively knew what was happening.
We looked at each other happily, but it was an unusual feeling.
After a few minutes of just sitting there quietly, I asked him, do you think we'll love him as much as we love our first child?
We just sat there for a bit longer.
'I'm not sure how it'll feel, but I imagine we'll love him just the same,' he said.
I nodded in agreement so I wouldn't sound rude, but at that time, I couldn't justify that.
Our first was 2 at the time and an only child.
He was our FIRST child.
He was the one that changed our lives permanently.
He was the one that taught us unconditional love.
He was the one that made me run to my parents thanking them for all their sacrifices raising me. I finally understood.
He was the one that strung our little family together and made us want to be great parents.
He was the one we spent all our time dotting over.
But a second child?
Where would he fit in?
He wouldn't be the first nor would he be the one molding us into parents.
I couldn't figure it out.
I remember asking my mom at one point and she looked back at me laughing. "You will love them both the same", she told me.
My mom is a seasoned veteran with 5 kids. Of course, she knew...
But I still had my doubts.
The day came.
I was having contractions and was walking around the road outside to keep me out of the hospital.
I wasn't trying to sit in that darn hospital bed for hours again, so walking it was.
By the time I got to the hospital, I had forgotten about all the things I'd been thinking about how to love this child equally.
After a few hours of sitting on that lovely hospital bed and a few pushes, I had my answer.
My heart exploded.
“All the forces on this planet, will never beat that of a mother's love.”
― The Way Back Home
I was proud to be his mother.
After he was bathed and given back to me, we sat there together, just him and I.
I couldn't stop staring at him.
I loved holding him, smelling his baby smells, and admiring every little bit of his tiny body.
I felt guilty for questioning whether we'd love him as much as our first.
But how does one really know that, until it happens?
It's all new.
Everything is moving and you're learning on the fly.
All I knew, was that we were the lucky parents of two healthy sons who we loved deeply.
Not one more than the other.
Both the same.
Having multiple kids doesn't divide your heart, it multiplies it.
A letter to my husband from the girl you made mom
3 common regrets after choosing a baby name (and top 500 names)