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How to Not Raise Asshole Kids

How to Not Raise Asshole Kids

There are way too many assholes running around 

Stop the insanity. I wasn't around in the 1950s, but my grandma said 'kids just didn't act like this' about a zillion times when we used to hang out in her parlor full of interesting glass objects.
How many times do you walk through a grocery store, school, mall, or even to a friends house and walk away thinking 'Thank God that is not my child.' Probably more times than you realize, but it's not their fault. It's the collective generation of parents paving the perfect path for their sweet little angels and not realizing that they are creating total entitled assholes.
Before you jump to conclusions and assume it’s your tired toddler that melts down on the floor of Target, that’s not it.  
Hell, I melt on the floor at Target when I’m tired too. It’s just too much Joanna Gaines.
We’re talking about the kid that has meltdowns every time they go into Target because you’re not buying them all 6 toys they are eyeballing. Or the kid that walks into your house and sits on your couch staring at their phone instead of saying hello. Or the kid that never says thank you. Or the kid that acts entitled af.  
It's a cringe-worthy topic and is like nails on a chalkboard to watch. My kids are assholes sometimes, they all are!  
Do you remember Veruca Salt (not the band) from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? She was hard to watch. A total example of a spoiled brat, otherwise known as, an asshole.



While everybody needs guides and checklists these days, here is your friendly guide to not raising assholes.
How to not raise assholes:
1. Don't be an asshole yourself, your kids are watching.
2. Tell your husband not to be an asshole either, yeah they're watching him too.
3. Create some f*cking house rules. And stick to them. Don't just give up because it's hard, or inconvenient at the time. They'll learn from your behavior and do it all over again. This one is really f*cking hard by the way.
4. Teach them some mother loving respect. "Respect your elders", they used to say, except respect everybody. A disrespectful kid is an instant asshole to the people around them.  
5. Teach your kid to say hello. It's a real word. If you send Johnny on a playdate and Sam and his mom pick up Johnny, Johnny better say hello to Sam's mom and dad. Or he's an asshole. Hello is common courtesy.
6. They need manners. Real ones, not shrugs, or half-assed nods. Words. Please and thank you are the highly effective ones here.  
7. The world doesn't revolve around them. Sometimes kids get it twisted but other times parents lead them to believe they are the more important than everybody else. Of course, they're special kids, but teaching them the sun rises and sets on their ass is not a good long term play. Asshole.
8. Responsibility and accountability. That shit doesn't just happen as a grownup. Fold some laundry, help around the house, give them responsibility and hold them to it. Will they be a good wife or hubby if they don't learn these things? Be f*cking responsible.
9. "Mean Girls" are never in style. Otherwise known as a 'bully, it's a learned behavior. It could be from movies, the family at home, friends, or people at school. Bullies are total assholes and will keep that behavior throughout life.
10. Teach them to be grateful. Not just for toys, Disneyland, treats, or new clothes. Grateful for everything. Breathing, a f*cking small piece of bread, family, friends, a bed, a toothbrush, wearing shoes, sunshine, being alive. Grateful.  It'll last with them throughout life.
Raising kids is really f*cking hard. It's hard to set rules and stick to them because life is just tough sometimes. Set the guidelines for your family and talk about them, communicate to your child what's acceptable and what's not. They need to hear it. They need to understand it and know when they're out of bounds.  
Be a person you want your kid to emulate. This doesn't mean perfect, just be aware. Kids are incredible little humans with so much love, curiosity, hope, and potential. It's up to us to steer them in the right direction. Don't raise assholes.

Read Next: 
Previous article Easy Parenting 'Mistakes' to Avoid When Raising Children
Next article Mom Diaries: How We're Surviving the Strong Willed Stage


Christie - August 24, 2019

Excellent points about raising children, including setting an example for them. And I get the need to use the word a—hole to make your point. But using that word in everyday language, along with f—-ing and sh-t in practically every sentence, IS being an a—hole. Please! There are zillions of words in the English language to choose from. Do your child a favor and use more constructive adjectives. Now I have to go wash my eyeballs from reading so much profanity in one article.

Kristen - August 23, 2019

This article is pretty asshole-y for an article about not raising asshole children.

Brett L - August 20, 2019

Also lessons in this article for adults to keep in ‘their own lane’ regarding individual behavior. I will admit I need to reset once in a while. Most others have to also.

Virginia - August 20, 2019

I agree Don’t give up be a parent not a friend be consistent kids are smart they get it but you have to show as an example of good behavior. Life is Hard Life isn’t Fair Good Manners Hello & Thank You Very Important Give them small tasks to make kids feel appreciative

Sheryl - August 19, 2019

The struggle is real people. Our children out in the world are behaving badly. I work in a preschool/ daycare. I see all these behaviors, the mean girls, the bulleys, the screamers, the tantrum throwers, hitters and spitters. If your child is unruly and has some of these behaviors then you need to address them at home. We can’t punish your children but someone needs to and that someone needs to be you.

Angela B - August 18, 2019

I have 3 boys. 16,11&9. The oldest and youngest no normal asshole kid things. My middle takes it to a new extreme. Yes he has mental issues and I think I’m harder on him with all these rules bc things are harder for him. But all in all they are raised the same. But that middle one is gonna be the death of me. He is most like me. I’m ashamed to admit I was an asshole. I was spoiled and while my family instilled all of the suggestions I was still a diva beyond. As parents sometimes we don’t have total control but as long as we keep trying and enforcing ways to be a better person we will end up with less asshats. Unfortunately there will still be some. And I’d just like to apologize now for my middleman I truly fear he will not out grow this holier than thou attitude. I consider my odds of 2 out of 3 pretty good. But I will never give up on my 3rd. As parents we need to assume responsibility for our children and not blame society. Every kids gonna have their jerk moves but we need to be persistent in teaching and showing right from wrong. So again to all the parents who give up, DON’T! You can do it. Just keep trying. We can do our best and as long as we do that fingers crossed 🤞 there will be less assholes and spoiled pisspots. Oh and again while I continue to raise my 3 boys the same and keep trying just in case number 3 gets past me somehow and lives his life as an asshole I am so very very sorry. Please feel free to tell him he’s an asshole if it’s needed. Maybe coming from someone else besides mom will make a difference

rose - August 17, 2019

Kids learn from their parents first.
If comments are made at the dinner table, in public, over coffee, during tv shows etc, they think it’s are their teacher.
If respect for others gender, race, etc isn’t taught at home they will take that allowed learned behavior with them outside the home. Period.
Parents have to break the cycle of their taught discriminations-look inward, and teach their child to be a loving, responsible young adult.
It is not a teachers job, day care, clergy, or even our men in blue.
It’s tough raising a child granted because theirs societal input, but it’s our hope that what we’re teaching them at home will outweigh the negative impact.
Be your child’s safe place, their mentor in this seemingly harsh world❤️

Louise of Az. - August 17, 2019

Be a parent not the best friend. You can be that after your job is done molding them into adults. Life is hard and they have to learn the world doesn’t revolve and cater around them 24 hours a day. Love them and let them know as the child grows, that there are rules in life and they need to earn to appreciate what is given. You will always be mom and dad but you will always be welcomed in their adult lives as parent and best friend with love.

April - August 17, 2019

Perfect article, perfectly written! If you take this article offensively maybe it’s about your child or maybe it’s not. If you don’t like the swearing don’t share, if you don’t like the tone don’t share and if you find it offensive I have a great idea don’t share!!!!! Love this and I shared a dozen times!!!

Jonathan - August 17, 2019

I cannot believe the individuals who complain about the word “melt down” . If you can’t understand the authors meaning or you just feel the need to comment because the word “triggers” you – get some help.
As for those who “would love to share it except for the profanity”; suck it up buttercup. Your grandkids have already heard worse at school. Teach them real thoughts, real emotions and how to really act in public and private. Not just when your there or not there. You should be helping create young adults who can understand and make individual choices on their words and actions based on they’re own understanding, reasoning and thought process.
It was a decent article and I like the way it was written.

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