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How to Not Raise Asshole Kids

There are way too many assholes running around 

Stop the insanity. I wasn't around in the 1950s, but my grandma said 'kids just didn't act like this' about a zillion times when we used to hang out in her parlor full of interesting glass objects.
 
 
How many times do you walk through a grocery store, school, mall, or even to a friends house and walk away thinking 'Thank God that is not my child.' Probably more times than you realize, but it's not their fault. It's the collective generation of parents paving the perfect path for their sweet little angels and not realizing that they are creating total entitled assholes.
 
Before you jump to conclusions and assume it’s your tired toddler that melts down on the floor of Target, that’s not it.  
 
Hell, I melt on the floor at Target when I’m tired too. It’s just too much Joanna Gaines.
 
We’re talking about the kid that has meltdowns every time they go into Target because you’re not buying them all 6 toys they are eyeballing. Or the kid that walks into your house and sits on your couch staring at their phone instead of saying hello. Or the kid that never says thank you. Or the kid that acts entitled af.  
It's a cringe-worthy topic and is like nails on a chalkboard to watch. My kids are assholes sometimes, they all are!  
 
Do you remember Veruca Salt (not the band) from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? She was hard to watch. A total example of a spoiled brat, otherwise known as, an asshole.

 

 

While everybody needs guides and checklists these days, here is your friendly guide to not raising assholes.
 
How to not raise assholes:
1. Don't be an asshole yourself, your kids are watching.
 
2. Tell your husband not to be an asshole either, yeah they're watching him too.
 
3. Create some f*cking house rules. And stick to them. Don't just give up because it's hard, or inconvenient at the time. They'll learn from your behavior and do it all over again. This one is really f*cking hard by the way.
 
4. Teach them some mother loving respect. "Respect your elders", they used to say, except respect everybody. A disrespectful kid is an instant asshole to the people around them.  
 
5. Teach your kid to say hello. It's a real word. If you send Johnny on a playdate and Sam and his mom pick up Johnny, Johnny better say hello to Sam's mom and dad. Or he's an asshole. Hello is common courtesy.
 
6. They need manners. Real ones, not shrugs, or half-assed nods. Words. Please and thank you are the highly effective ones here.  
 
7. The world doesn't revolve around them. Sometimes kids get it twisted but other times parents lead them to believe they are the more important than everybody else. Of course, they're special kids, but teaching them the sun rises and sets on their ass is not a good long term play. Asshole.
 
8. Responsibility and accountability. That shit doesn't just happen as a grownup. Fold some laundry, help around the house, give them responsibility and hold them to it. Will they be a good wife or hubby if they don't learn these things? Be f*cking responsible.
 
9. "Mean Girls" are never in style. Otherwise known as a 'bully, it's a learned behavior. It could be from movies, the family at home, friends, or people at school. Bullies are total assholes and will keep that behavior throughout life.
 
10. Teach them to be grateful. Not just for toys, Disneyland, treats, or new clothes. Grateful for everything. Breathing, a f*cking small piece of bread, family, friends, a bed, a toothbrush, wearing shoes, sunshine, being alive. Grateful.  It'll last with them throughout life.
 
Raising kids is really f*cking hard. It's hard to set rules and stick to them because life is just tough sometimes. Set the guidelines for your family and talk about them, communicate to your child what's acceptable and what's not. They need to hear it. They need to understand it and know when they're out of bounds.  
 
Be a person you want your kid to emulate. This doesn't mean perfect, just be aware. Kids are incredible little humans with so much love, curiosity, hope, and potential. It's up to us to steer them in the right direction. Don't raise assholes.
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53 comments

  • I agree with the article. Struggling with my 2 year old at the moment.

    Completely disagree with anyone criticizing the language. As the author they can write however they want to. The title alone suggests the use of words that someone labeled dirty or disrespectful. If you offend easy than don’t read it. Criticizing others is another way of being an asshole haha.

    Tye
  • How does this apply to verbal autism children? Doesn’t work very well…

    Christine
  • Wow I totally agree. And to the people offended by the censored language……pretty sure they are just pissed off your calling their BULLSHIT OUT!

    Kelly
  • Not using the f word isn’t censorship, it’s showing respect to the reader by showing you CAN make your point without that type of language. Too bad movies music etc is so full of it. There are several “acceptable” words that can be used that won’t offend us older folks that would have had our mouth washed out if we had used it.
    Please respect OUR ways as much as you want us to respect yours.

    Gary
  • I agree with what you said in your article…!!! But what I don’t agree with is the language used in the article….when you use that language it teaches your child it’s ok to talk like that and that’s disrespectful to everyone there talking to…would you allow your child to use that profanity around you…just saying…!!! Becky

    Becky

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